Amanda Rae Lawrence

This was a loving and trusting father and daughter team. In divorce, our favorite activity was to make brownies. I was always conscious to provide boundaries so Mandy could enjoy her childhood and not be used as a substitute wife. Amanda’s favorite treat was Entenmann’s chocolate covered donuts and they were always appreciated. I have not had any since Amanda stopped talking to me. The most difficult part of single parenting was not knowing how to correctly comb and brush her long hair —

Our relationship was close. i.e. Amanda was very comfortable in explaining to me a situation where she was approached by an older man, a family member to an important relationship in her life. I gave her my opinion just to stay away and not to say anything. If it continues let me know. The father-daughter reciprocal affection was so “devoted”, my second wife (short marriage to the right woman) said, “I am jealous of your relationship with your daughter”. This circumstance made me laugh at people in their first marriage – dating in divorce is a culture far removed from their reality, yet most have an opinion on the behavior to be followed. Dating in divorce is an endless challenge of new circumstances to see if two adults can weave a new tapestry – one that is happier, stronger and with a love better than the loves in their past.

Back to Amanda, one year I hired a DJ for a backyard birthday party. The kids had so much fun and I was enjoying myself until Ryan slipped and cut his chin – I went to ER with my date and we returned with a few sutures and no one realized we left the party for an hour. This turned out to be an example of a situation where the mother and father are best suited to be with the child (particularly at a birthday party) and a good reason why an effort to reconcile platonically before divorce and to co-parent after divorce is well evidenced by this isolated event. When the parents show up as unified for the children, it is in everyone’s best interest. Each experience shared jointly is a pebble stone to building a coherent, more secure and stronger self-concept for the child in their adulthood.

I had deep concerns about Amanda’s ability to be part of her peer group. Her mother was frugal, not a criticism, but a difference in attitude between two parents. After the divorce I gave Amanda a $500 credit card and explained that it was to be used for clothing, eating out with friends and other things she may need for herself. I did not want her to feel economically deprived. The first credit card statement arrives and the total is well over $400. All the charges were to send flowers to her friends. Possibly a psychologist might say, when your mother puts your self-concept through a “meat grinder”, you might feel the need to reach out and buy love.

Amanda had a cerebral intensity that would have allowed her to achieve success in simply following her passion(s). During the time she was attending Southern Illinois University (SIU), I explained that I felt guilty that my financial resources were no longer available to have paid for her education at a college such as Colorado. I perceived it as an opportunity to meet new friends from around the world with a diverse curriculum and well vetted faculty. Amanda replied, dad, Colorado is like me, kids who grew up in wealthy suburbs. SIU has a program for inner city students and I would not have met them if I did not attend here. How proud to be her father!

I knew her ability to find a meaningful along-term marital relationship was crushed when her mother tossed away our fifteen-year marriage with two children and two homes as abruptly and in the same crude manner as someone throwing out milk after taking a gulp and finding out it is very sour.

Amanda eloped for her first marriage to escape the stress of her mother’s ill-conceived second marriage. I do not mind saying ‘I’m wrong’ when the outcome is an improvement from my original thought and I was wrong, Amanda vetted a great guy and my family loved him as much as we loved her for finding him. Her mother-in-law took her on a cruise to Alaska and called to let me know she was her best traveling companion ever. Andrew’s mother visited one Thanksgiving and we had a wonderful time in Delray Beach. The marriage ended and I was not given a reason. A psychologist might say, your mother walked out on your father and your mother taught you it is “ok” to walk out on a man.

Now, Amanda meets Jim and he is a very nice young man and with a cohesive family and wonderful stepfather! Joanne planned the wedding with rule #1 – you are not allowed to talk to the father of your children. I received an invitation like all other guests and had no knowledge of who was attending and that made me disoriented. Joanne had to please Dewey so they found a way to avoid having the father walk his daughter down the isle. There are two pictures of Amanda dancing with me and she still has that look of love toward her father. Anyone agree?

When my parents died within ten days of each other, Amanda arrived in Florida for my mother’s funeral and Ryan and I were sitting in the kitchen. Amanda walks in angry at me. I said to Ryan, what did I do to set her off? He said, I don’t know. Turns out, Amanda was in the middle of her second divorce to Jim. He was one nice young man and they had a life together – it’s ok to walk out on another man because that is the way your mother taught you to end relationships.

Emotionally corrupted by her mother’s reckless behavior, Amanda was under forty and living through her second divorce. Amanda was having problems in forming meaningful relationships with men and made me the victim. In moving forward with her life Amanda decided to have a live-in partner named Dana and they had two children together. Amanda made it known I would never meet my grandchildren and to-date she is correct. The loss of my relationship with Amanda is an expression of her mother’s failure to get into a good second marriage with a sensible man. Dana is controlled by Amanda. Dana picks up the phone and I say hello, I would like to talk to Amanda. Dana gives Amanda the message and she says, I do not want to talk to him. I say, please put Amanda on the phone and her great defender and live-in says, why do you want to talk to her? I say because she is my daughter! And this becomes circular and I hang up. I feel as though I am dealing with two adults whose emotional maturity is in junior high school. After two divorces the emotional fear of marital love leads Amanda to an emotional cocoon where she has pragmatically figured out how she cannot fail. No third divorce is possible and the custody agreement must be Amanda’s thesis on relationships.

Dana is afraid of Amanda and cannot say, “Amanda, he is your father, why don’t you talk to him?”. I called from Hood River, OR across the Columbia River from Amanda – a different state. I traveled for vacation and to also see if I could connect with my daughter. Amanda is brainwashed from Dewey. She called her mother and said, Dad called me from another state and I’m getting an Order of Protection. In her “robot” marital lifestyle, Joanne likely said, ”Dewey, Howard’s in OR and Amanda is getting and Order of Protection”. Dewey had to say, “Amanda did the right thing”. Stupid and selfish people!! Intelligent people would say, “Go have lunch with your father and talk things out”. I am dealing with vindictive people, the ignorant type regarding the lack of consideration for the child’s best interest. Dewey, our Narcissistic Manipulator has been a source of conflict and brainwashing for thirty-five years. All four of them need a lie-detector test. Dewey’s cult is so brainwashed by him it could be punishable by prison time as a result of unlawful child abuse.