Joanne Sheehy
(family name)

Joanne is one of five children (only daughter) and grew up in a devout Catholic family. Her mother had two change of life babies. Her two older brothers had four children and the other brother had nine children. Her father Frank, a highly ethical and honest man took a liking to me and generally made time away from his Well Drilling business to play a round of golf when we visited from 50 miles away in IL to her parent’s home in IN. On the golf course one day we were playing as a twosome and waiting for the foursome in front to get off the green. We started to chat and I asked if it were ok for me marry Joanne. He smiled broadly and said, “not only is it ok, but you are welcomed to join my family business”. Taken off guard, I said, thank you, but I have other plans (standing outside in freezing weather working to get a drill bit to penetrate frozen ground was not my idea of how to utilize a college degree). Sheehy Well and Pump deservedly grew into a large business for the third generation. The conversation ended when Frank said, think it over, well drilling is the only job where you start at the top.

Joanne’s mother was difficult, particularly with money. Fathers have special relationships with their daughters and if Frank gave $10 to Joanne for her return to college, Ann would get upset, if not angry. Ann had many special qualities; money was not one of them. Money was always a stress for both us, but more so for Joanne. We met at college and Joanne worked in the dormitory cafeteria to earn extra money. My father was working many 16-hour shifts as a Pinkerton guard to send me $20 a week. One day Joanne approached me in tears. She does not have the money to buy nylons. I told her I would give her $5 each week from my allowance. On hindsight, I thought working through a meaningful resolution to these types of situations together, when compounded over time, were the “glue” for a long-term marriage. I never told anyone about the $5, it would have been too hurtful for the laborious effort both parents made to put me through college.

Joanne’s parents had a beautiful property lot on a hill overlooking Cedar Lake with a pier and ski boat; detached 3 car garage and a cozy home. Joanne told me her father took her aside and said, Jewish men make good husbands. It was common in the NY Jewish culture to ask a woman to convert her religion and I had family pressure to make that request. Joanne converted, an emotional adjustment that was very difficult and years later in our marriage she told me she was going to meet with a priest and identify with her past. I was pleased as I understood the trauma she must have experienced. The priest who transitioned her back became a friend in our marriage, we would go out for dinner and I played golf on the Vatican’s private golf course in St. Mary’s Seminary, Mundelein, IL.

Our bonds were made in an out-of-town college and we were able to grow away from our Brooklyn, NY and Cedar Lake, IN culture into our relationship with talk about our future after college. During college, I returned to NY for summers to work and Joanne remained in IN. During two summers, we corresponded and these are some excerpts from letters I received from Joanne to give you some insight to our college years.

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EXCEPTS FROM JOANNE’S COLLEGE LETTERS TO HOWARD

Terre Haute, IN, JUN 21. 1968 – “Sweety, Hi, how are you? Your letters are such a pleasure to receive. You just don’t know how I look forward to getting out of History class and walking home to a letter. I go upstairs, get comfortable and lay down on my bed and read it (at least 50 times). I usually (after the 50^th reading) start reading and end up falling asleep and waking up in time for dinner”.

Cedar Lake, IN Aug 25, 1969 – “I’ve packed both yours and mine junk in 6 boxes (I repacked your boxes – I wasn’t being nosey but I do a little better at conserving on space) – I guess that’s just on space – I guess that’s just my domestic side showing through – it’s not gonna show through in cooking as you’re going to find out soon, so it better show somewhere – wouldn’t you say….Well, dearheart, it’s about time I settle to bed. I’ve been having nifty dreams about you – you know?”

After signing, Love, Joanne the letter says P.S. I’m not finished,

“Howie, I must really say that I know how confused you must be about what you really want to do. Now this is just my opinion and I don’t want it to sound uneducated but it might because I guess I really don’t know your field the way I want to, but you know, as I do, that you are the type of person that is going to have to feel you are doing something worthwhile plus really enjoy it.…….What I’m trying to say is, I’ll be happy if you’re happy, no matter what you do. And believe me, Howie, I sincerely mean it. If you want to have a job like that lawyer sleeping at his desk then you’ll have it. I’ll never stop you. I want to be an underlying force – a back up to your success, not the downfall of your life – I want to be the most understanding of all wives but I want you to be happy and I can’t imagine you being happy sleeping behind a desk all night just to have the tag of a lawyer. We’re too young to get caught up in this “sick world” as you put it in your letter & I know you feel this way. I’d rather live on $12,000 a year (which will easily be done even if you say, teach) then be unhappy living on $30,000 and not have the time to enjoy the 30 grand – not have the time to share it with each other. We have too much joy to give one another; I just tingle at the thought – I’m not money hungry – sure we both want to be comfortable but we want to be happy too—above everything else. We’re talked about the life of the accountant – his long nights & business trips & I once wondered if I could be happy with it, now I realize, that if you were happy with it & really wanted to do it, then I too would be happy. I realized, I guess, that if I stopped you from something you really wanted to do, I would only be hurting myself because of the resentment you would feel later on. We are both going to have our separate lives, up until these past 3-4 weeks this was very hard for me to accept – I wanted to be a part of your profession, your golf game & your nights out with the boys – but no more. I always want to be interested in all these things very much, but my place is behind you not besides you. I sincerely wish you will be interested in my professional life. I hope we never tire of telling each other about what happened today at the office or at school. Of course, I realize many times we’ll want to leave all such talk aside & just make love when you get in the door, but none the less, the interest & faith in each other’s affairs I hope will always be there.

I really want to be that understanding wife behind the successful man & I want you to be behind me because I want to be successful in my field also. But most of all, I want our marriage to be the happiest & most successful of all marriages”.

 I love you,

 Joanne

Terre Haute, IN, Nov 11, 1969 – “Thoughts on student teaching – First day of parent’s conferences are over. They were rather interesting. You can almost match the parent’s personality with the child’s personality. I had a few parents thank me for taking an interest in their child. It kind of made me feel good. Most of them were mothers of the trouble maker boy – which I love best”.

Terre Haute, IN, DEC 8, 1969 – “Patty received a letter from ‘two of our friends’ about our getting engaged. She went up to Klein and asked her if the ring was really beautiful – the nerve – what a trollop – Sue of course replied the most beautiful she’d seen – because it is. Patty walked in the grill today, sat down right next to me- congratulated us & never even asked to see the ring! Everytime I moved my hand she’d wrench her neck to take an unobvious stare – Bitch – the nerve – Thought you’d enjoy that.“

Cedar Lake, IN, DEC 12, 1969 – Mom told me not to wear the (engagement) ring so I wouldn’t lose it – I asked her what good would it do sitting in the box- good thinking – then my dad said she didn’t have any room to talk because she lost a dinner ring once – Then dad said he never lost a ring in his life – not even the one through his nose….It was quite funny when he mentioned the ring through his nose”.