Duane Menter & Joanne Lawrence Menter
My Relationship History

In life, there are good and bad names. In death, you can only leave two things behind; your money and your good name. Duane Menter is a bad name. Joanne Lawrence Menter is complicit as her husband’s enabler.

In 1985, someone could join a single’s dating website for $50. Not Dewey, why waste money on a singles website when you can spend the money on bullets and simply “hit” on a married woman in your place of employment? Who cares that your place of employment is an elementary school and the woman you are hitting on has two children enrolled in the same school? Alice Gruenberg, the principal with inept administrative skills did not care. Dr. Willard, School District 96 Superintendent did not care. The entire School District knew they were having an affair. The moral and ethical people in the School District had to feel pity for my children in their thoughts and prayers. Joanne, she was hot for this forty-two-year-old “man” whose three children did not talk to him. He earned $40,000 a year and lived with his mother. Unfortunately, Duane Menter is the short straw my children drew for a stepfather. A callous, narcissistic manipulator with no emotional boundaries. He found an enabler in Joanne Lawrence.

As my wife for fifteen years and the mother of our children, Joanne’s manner in going about this divorce was impulsive and as a consequence, her behavior was reckless. Joanne had four brothers who were all hunters. When Joanne met Dewey the “hunter” thoughts of her childhood made her feel at home and this was her “comfort zone” – Venison in the garage, the freezer, her pots and pans. Good concept, wrong man. I worked in Chicago, thirty-five miles from the marital home and they were teachers in a school 1/2 mile from my children’s home. It did not faze Dewey to go back to my house with Joanne to spend time in our children’s home with 1/2 of the deed in my name. With her religious Catholic background, no one in her family could likely spell divorce or be permitted to have thoughts about getting one. I am confident Joanne found “emotional permission” to have an affair because her Jewish friend Gail directly across the street was having an affair with her landscaper. Kathy, the Jewish woman behind us was having an affair with her children’s pediatrician. When Dewey came back to our house, Joanne would likely say, Gail, could you watch the children for an hour, I’m entertaining a friend? Gail likely replied, I know that feeling!

I know this because one day I arrived home early and walked into the family room. Joanne and Dewey were sitting on the couch. I was so naïve and trusting I did not think anything of the situation other than Joanne made a male friend. I assumed he was going through a divorce or some other chaotic personal situation and needed a friend. It was not unusual for one of us to have a single friend of the opposite sex that we brought into our marriage as a “single friend”.

On hindsight, I could have legally shot Dewey between the eyes from close range. He had an affair with my wife and plays the role that he is angry with me and “poor baby” is going to get even with me by preventing me from co-parenting with the mother of our children. He was intimidated by my attorneys and me and as he is a bully, he was determined to force me out of his marriage to the mother of our children. He emphatically “worked” to separate me from my children, and Joanne obeyed. Joanne did not read the divorce decree included in this website to understand that she signed her name to a document outlining her co-parenting responsibilities in divorce. For years Dewey used every word out of his trashy mouth to deliberately separate me from my children. In summary, he is the most significant missed opportunity in my life, the lost opportunity to legally shoot Dewey between the eyes haunts me today!

(I am not a hunter and as a kid owned a bee-bee gun. On my first shot I killed a Robin sitting on a telephone wire. The beautiful bird fell to the ground and I felt awful to have ended its life.)

A belligerent habit of this narcissistic manipulator was to use my house and he told Joanne to get a restraining order to prevent me from entering (and why did he not want me in my house?). Joanne said “ok”, Dewey was the man who promised to take Joanne away from all the Jews and their suburban life style. Jews who spend their money on lawyers, not guns. He had to use my home and our children’s home as he could not take Joanne to his mother’s house or the Holiday Inn Express at $75 per visit as that was too much money once or twice a week on a teacher’s salary. It was horrific as they undermined the character and integrity of my children who were playing in the street with their friends while these encounters occurred.

Ironically, Joanne’s brother Kevin was killed as part of a love triangle. Kevin was dating a divorced woman who did not understand how angry and emotionally charged her ex-husband could become finding out she met another man and was moving on with her life. (Kevin, due to how he matured in college was my favorite brother-in-law). The other brothers graduated high school and went to work in dad’s business…Kevin was killed by a shotgun at close range, just as Dewey would have died knowing what I know today about guns and gun laws. I like Microsoft Word; it has more ammunition than all the guns in Dewey’s collection –

I warned Joanne before the divorce that the children were going to have difficulty finding meaningful long-term relationships as there was no orderly transition in the divorce. Two formerly secure children moved into their mother’s apartment with her new husband three weeks after she divorced their father and they were never introduced to Dewey until sharing an apartment. In addition, one child told me their bedroom was next to their mother’s room, the walls were thin and they would routinely hear noises. I know because they told me. Dewey did not care; his narcissistic orgasm was more important than the emotional stability of my children. Joanne’s attraction to Dewey was not about love, it was about guns and rural living, her emotional comfort zone. (North Bonneville is the right community for Joanne; Dewey is a pitiful choice to be her husband).

I was very confused. There was no arguing in our home, there was no fighting, we were living a life with a meaningful love for our children and enjoying the material possessions we worked so hard to obtain through college and our careers. We had it all and that is why it never entered my thoughts that she would give it away and emotionally “piss” all over her children as instructed by her man.

I took Joanne to a well-known therapist and she sat on the couch and either through one of Dewey’s commands or her own stupidity, she would not say a word. Joanne sat on one end of the couch and I was on the other end. The Dr. said, what is between both of you and I said, “the children”. All Joanne had to say was, “I am in love with another man and I want a divorce”. There was no psychologist more qualified to manage this type of problem and steer us in a direction that would be best for us and for the children. Instead, due to her silence, the Dr. became upset and angry and said, I cannot establish respect between the two of you and respect is the foundation of relationships. Get out of my office now!! For two emotionally void people in the process of divorce, it was another victory for Dewey and his enabler.

There was anger by me and my attorneys toward the School District as they did not fire Dewey and they should have fired Joanne as well. To accommodate my understandable feelings, Dr. Willard, Superintendent (now deceased) agreed to move Dewey to the Middle School. I was so concerned about the children I did not take the time to stay in court and get both of them fired. That was most appropriate as no other school district would have hired them based on a reference check and they might have lost their pensions if not vested. With no income, the manic feeling of a new love would likely have dissipated quickly unless Dewey’s mother would have agreed for Joanne to stay in her home.

This website was necessary because Dewey developed a vendetta toward me and he was going to get even, not as adults, but without consideration for the well-being of my children.

The divorce went through and I purchased our two homes in the settlement. I received a letter from Dr. Willard, Superintendent, School District 96. The letter read: I owe $6,500 in tuition to the school for my children. I called the School District and said the school tuition is included in my property tax. They explained only “women” living in a house after a divorce were allowed to receive school tuition through property tax. I was angry at the person on the other end of the phone and said, “I am a parent and I am entitled to apply my property tax toward my children’s tuition”. Dr. Willard was intimated by me along with my two attorneys and was trying to force me out of the School District because he had a liability for not firing Dewey and Joanne. I called the attorney and he agreed with my strategy. We went to court and the judge agreed with us. I did not have to pay tuition and the ruling was good for all men in the state of Illinois. It costs me $5,000 in attorney’s fees to hear the judge say I do not have to pay the $6,500. I was ahead $1,500 the first year.

In retirement, the principal, Alice Gruenberg, was a bitch to me and refused to help after she retired to Florida. Maybe she had affairs during her career and understood the “lovebirds” under her supervision? Dewey and Joanne were her Facebook friends and she could have easily negotiated this problem with my children. In addition to my letter to her in the tab “Divorce Correspondence”, I called her home and someone slammed the phone on me. Possibly she realized her personal liability in not firing the dynamic duo (Dewey and Joanne) and was avoiding me by not wanting to get involved because she might have helped to perpetuate this relationship and may know she has liability for the emotional abuse and harm to my children? Alice resides in Jupiter, FL thirty miles from me.

In negotiating the divorce, Dewey loved the idea that I wanted custody every day school was closed. His expenses would be lower and he could lie in bed and enjoy being a newlywed without having to worry about my children knocking on the door saying, “Mom, please make us breakfast, we are hungry” – Only G-d knows what this would have done to his erection? Knowing Dewey, he would have said to Joanne, “I do not hear any children yelling and screaming for breakfast” and Joanne would have replied, “ok”. There is no humor intended in this paragraph because Dewey made my children wait in their bedroom while he had dinner with his bride. When Master Dewey was finished with his third portion of spaghetti and meatballs, my children were given access to enter the kitchen and eat their dinner.

These two college educated teachers did not care about forming a blended family.

I thought communications would work out. Joanne and her hubby both had four-year college degrees in Education. For that reason, I assumed they enjoyed children and had compassion for their needs and would readily understand the need for a co-parenting arrangement. Dewey’s childhood might have been abusive and he acted out on my children in the way he was raised? – I am naïve and it does seem unusual to be that way having grown up in Brooklyn.

Anyway, our new life began and Joanne was childless for three years on every weekend. We had a great time without mom!! We were in the marital home; the kids had their bedroom and they could walk outside and play with their friends and have sleepovers as if nothing changed. On weekends when we went to the Galena home, each child invited a friend and I took care of meals and doing the wash. It was exciting, the driveway was a 100 ft. -125 ft. drop from the top of the road and I could watch the kids sliding down in the snow while doing the dishes. There was also a bird feeder out the kitchen window that attracted hummingbirds and I marveled at God’s design for this species.

Life went very well for the three of us; however, I knew the one thing Joanne loved more than anything in the world were her children and Dewey made her give them up every weekend and during the summer. It finally caught up with Joanne that the children were more emotionally bonded to me then her and it became a very insecure and lost feeling for Joanne to give up motherhood. When my life financial life turned and the children lived with her full-time, Joanne became desperate to separate me from the children in a way that they would never return and be part of my life. She went from being Dewey’s enabler to his teammate in their ongoing marital effort to place their “knees” on the children’s emotional connection to their father and suffocate the relationship.

In my youth I believed people living as Orthodox Jews made a representation that they had a moral compass. As an adult, I learned that too often these orthodox Jews used their religion as a guise to financially manipulate others. In either event, I was employed by a sleazy “Leibovich” orthodox Jew who made a decision that set off alarm bells at the SEC. This problem required telegraphic notice to the SEC. As the 51% owner he was going to be a marked person at the SEC. Based on the advice of counsel, a recommendation was made to fire me and explain to the SEC that Howard Lawrence caused the problem and he was released from employment.  This was an answer I knew the SEC would accept. I was out of work, lost both houses and moved to a studio. I became detached from the kids and the loss of my $125,000 position eventually caused money to be a real problem.

I later moved in with a woman friend and we started an embroidery business. She moved to Scottsdale to be with her children and I moved to Carbondale, Illinois to spend time with both children attending Southern Illinois University before relocating to Florida near family. I became angry with Ryan and he knew how I was feeling – I did not like the earring in his eyebrow. He once complained I did not discipline him and he now understood how it felt. Ryan said, I will move to Florida and it was a great decision for Ryan and for our entire family who loved him so much. I was still concerned about the children’s welfare in spite of Joanne never calling me as per her instructions from her “boss man”. I told Ryan to go home and spend a week with your mother and then fly to Florida. I bought him a one-way ticket.

Amanda solved her problem regarding the emotional instability of her mother’s ill-conceived second marriage and eloped while in high school with a man our family learned to love very much. In the end, everyone loved Andrew except Amanda. She would not let me know the problem and they divorced. I was very upset and Andrew flew in from Louisiana just to calm me down and to let me know the divorce was ok.

At Amanda’s second wedding to Jim, obese Dewey was sitting in a chair and I went over to say hello in a cordial way. At the wedding of our children he growled at me like a bear, showing anger as if he wanted to man-handle me. Lucky for the wedding guests, he was too obese to get out of the chair. I do not remember him dancing with his bride, Joanne Menter?

How did Joanne and Dewey get to Carson, then North Bonneville, Washington? They retired to Bayfield, CO a community of 2,300 people. After breaking up my family and causing emotional trauma to my children, Dewey had an affair with a waitress in Bayfield. It was devastating to Joanne to have to walk around their small rural community and for everyone to look at this scorned woman knowing her husband, narcissistic Dewey was having an affair. Joanne told Ryan about the affair as if his mother was looking for comfort and direction. I explained to Ryan, a parent should go to a psychologist to work through personal problems and not burden a child with their emotional baggage. Dewey not only hurt his wife, but he hurt my children who were as troubled as their mother by his inexcusable and unfortunate behavior. Consider Dewey’s behavior in encouraging Joanne to commit adultery in her marriage to me and now Dewey was an adulterer to Joanne, his bride. Joanne negotiated Amanda to be able to move near her in Washington and Joanne explained that she would move there with the “idiot”. Amanda agreed against my earlier advice that she should respect her mother, but never get too close as she is a confused and misdirected woman.

Currently and more than anything, for the sake of our children I would want Joanne to go to a psychologist or psychiatrist with a specialty in child abuse and obtain a diagnosis for her life with Dewey. The hurt imposed on our children cannot be fully repaired. Her low self-esteem and enabler personality to please this Narcissist Manipulator needs professional guidance. It would be a “healthy” sign for her to show humility to our children and apologize for all the problems she brought into their life. It would also be a wonderful healing process for herself and for her family in Cedar Lake, IN. All Joanne has to say to Dewey is, “I’m leaving you” and Dewey would say “why” and Joanne could simply reply “Just Because” and walk out.

Joanne’s obedience to Dewey led me to research the problem and she is likely diagnosed with a “dependent personality disorder”. The treatment is to increase the individual’s sense of autonomy and ability to function independently. 

Dewey will tell you about all the money he gave my children from his mother’s $1,000,000 estate. However, he gave them money to buy their loyalty. He is a lobbyist to keep his wife’s mouth shut and to distance the children permanently away from me. His donations will not count on his one-way ticket to hell.

My children, like their mother have no common sense. They should have forced a divorce between their mother and Dewey – As adults they knew the problems he brought into their lives. They should have been able to reason that their mother learned to hide from them the rough nature of Dewey’s behavior and that could have occurred in each room of their marital home?

Maybe the children will alter their relationship with their sad and delusional mother?

When living in San Francisco I read an article about a mother who beat her young child black and blue and with cuts showing blood. The mother ran down three flights of stairs and out of the apartment. The child ran after her mother yelling, “Mommy, please don’t leave me”. The only tie my children might have toward their mother is maternal instinct and I doubt very much that they will shed a tear at her funeral.

Without drinking the kool-aid, possibly my children are brainwashed as the children from the Guyana Tragedy with Jim Jones? I do hope they receive that specialized psychiatric care to evaluate that possibility and to know their coherency and cognizant thought based on the circumstances imposed on them by their mother and stepfather. Analogous to a mammogram or prostrate exam, there is no harm in getting a mental health check-up. Therapy is a luxury because it is an opportunity to learn about yourself – Amanda and Ryan can send me the doctor bills or they can live in denial and their emotional maturity will continual to be at a chronological level much less than their chronological age. It is very hurtful for me as it would be for any parent.